I'm exhausted this week. Dog tired. Pooped even. It's been that kind of time in my life. I feel like a hamster in the proverbial spinning wheel, going ever round and round the same old way. I want to scream, and then scream some more. I want to punch a few pillows, and I just may do that later.
What am I doing instead? Eating. Yep. Those twelve days of my New Years resolution to not eat any junk went right out the window the other day. Why? Nerves of course. I am a nervous eater and I admit it. "Hello I'm Karen and I'm a nervous eater." There, I feel better.
It's been stressful. We are soon to be short-handed at work. Do we have another employee yet? We do not. Why? Because the boss man drags his feet. So, pregnant dental assistant may drop this baby at any moment, and we will be stuck, or I will be stuck assisting when I have a thousand other duties to attend to. With arthritis in my back, assisting isn't something I enjoy any longer. I love my desk job, and I adore the mountains of dental insurance I have to work on. Well, I guess adore isn't exactly how I feel, but it gives you an idea of which duty I like better.
My mom was in the hospital recently too. Then a rehab facility. Mom has dementia. And in some ways, I see it worsening. She asked me the other day if Matt, her grandson, was my son. That was a bit terrifying. She's forgetting more and more about some of our cousins and which families they belong to. Yet other times, she is silly, fun and childlike singing old songs and imitating movie quotes. You have to hear her doing Anne Ramsey from "Throw Mama From the Train." Boy does she sound like her!
When I first thought of this blog post tonight, I was going to write it on a somber note. Then I realized something. Wouldn't it be more fun to laugh a little about all that's going on? Lighten up a bit, girl! Poke some fun at yourself even. So that's what I'm doing tonight: making light of the seriousness going on around me.
No, I'm not trying to downplay that we all have those kinds of days, or weeks, or months. It certainly has felt like a full year now of issues and stuff. Lord, a little break would be nice, okay?
Yet there are many wonderful reasons to be grateful right now. I still have my mom. I don't know for how much longer, but then again, who does know the length of our years? Only our Heavenly Father. And He approves of me--stress-filled and all. He calls me His beloved, even though I feel like I've been failing miserably with my up and down mood swings and sharp tongue. He understands and forgives, even when I can't forgive myself.
Yeah, I still have heartburn from that wonderful cupcake at work with the delectable cream cheese frosting. I was a bad girl and ate every precious bite. Maybe tomorrow I'll get on track again and try to eat more healthy. Maybe tomorrow my work day will be different, and one of the girls we are setting up for an interview will actually show up. Maybe tomorrow my problems will all disappear.
Nah. No matter what tomorrow does bring, I know for certain that the Father's love surrounds me and will sustain me. May we all laugh at ourselves a little and know that God must certainly have a sense of humor.