I Can do This

 

Years ago, when I was in my thirties, oh my that was ages ago actually..... Well anyway, I had a mantra that kept me going when I was on a journey with Weight Watchers. I would say to myself, sometimes out loud about the changes in eating, "I can do this, I will do this." To which I would add also, "With God's help." I knew I couldn't do it alone, this way of eating better, portion control, changes in habits. It did work, and with lots of determination, I hit my goal. (Which of course didn't last forever and ever....but that's not what this little story is about.)

Last week I had blood work. With the online wonder of the My Chart app, we are now able to view things about our health long before a doctor gives us a call. We are floundering looking things up sometimes, imagining all sorts of frightening scenarios and planning our demise. 

I've been a bit of a basket case lately. There have been several things going on in my little world which have taken a toll on my mental and physical state. I have turned to comfort in a few different ways, but one of them has been eating too many sweets and salties. It's easy when we have a table piled high at work with bags of chips, homemade brownies, boxes of donuts from adoring patients, and worst of all, a container of my true weakness: Helluva Good French Onion Dip. Come on people, don't tell me your mouth isn't watering this very second thinking about that one. There are times I dreamed of polishing off a small container.

Sitting at my computer last night, I typed in the results of my recent blood work. Lots of good numbers and green checkmarks etc. "Hey," I thought. "I'm doing pretty well." Until page two. There it was, the dreaded number which showed high cholesterol. My stomach did a slow flip; my palms began to sweat and my heart speeded up a bit. "No!!! I don't want this!" I like my treats and sweets and eats. I'm going to have to make healthy changes if I want to avoid medication.

Okay, I admit I had a small party of pity. I scrolled and scrolled, reading up on healthy foods. I realized there are things I have to cut out entirely and bring in the crunch of vegetables and fruits, and say goodbye, or at least see you later to pastries, etc.

Mom and Dad had high cholesterol and I know it is often inherited. But I also know that I was running amok in my level of anxiousness with delicious treats to comfort myself. So, I wrote out a plan, I am starting today. My doctor put me on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. I want to live a long and healthy life for my loved ones. I want to feel good in mind, body, and spirit. I have to avoid the kitchen at work. I have to say NO to some things right now and make the time for a few extra minutes of exercise as well. I'm not fooling myself, there will be an occasional treat.

This is not a shaming post for me or you. There are times we have to allow ourselves some grace when we've been through a rough patch. But this is something I must do for myself and as I said those many years ago: "I CAN do this, I WILL do this. With God's help."

Dead Things Come Alive

 

No, this isn't an early Halloween post. I'm not writing about Zombies or anything of the sort. I'm talking today about nature and the parallel between the destruction of the storm we had several months back and life.

We huddled in the kitchen together as the winds roared outside. The power flickered and then went out. A darkness that would last a couple days. When I looked out the window after the passing of the storm, I noticed something odd. The landscape in our backyard, the horizon of trees, so to speak were gone. Where full, green, towering trees once stood, it looked like splintered toothpicks. Branches and whole parts of them lay on the ground; our fence was demolished, our shed, gone. My heart sank. Never before had we had such devastation, yet I knew we were more fortunate than most. Our house was standing, and we were unscathed.

Time passed, and though the view into the back of the house was forever changed, I began to get used to seeing it that way. Several kind people, helpers, came and cleared trees and removed our shed. We were very blessed with the amount of help we had. 

There's a little window in my upstairs bathroom and when I have it open, I was still able to see the tops of the broken trees. I didn't like the look of the jagged, ugly, lifeless things. What about the birds? I thought... They loved those trees and probably had beautiful nests every summer filled with their babies. Now everything is dead.

Until it wasn't. Looking out that little window this morning, I almost gasped. For where the tops of the pointy, toothpick-like trees were, hundreds of green leaves grew upon the trees again! How I'd missed the "growing back" part is beyond me. I think I'd been so used to seeing something unsightly that I hadn't noticed the miracle. Dead things come alive! 

So the trees grew back! And we can too my friends! For aren't we dead inside sometimes? Aren't we like the broken trees after a good wind of despair whooshes through our lives? Aren't we waiting and waiting for beauty to come again? We may bend, and we may even break a little, but it's the persistence of prayer and hope in the Lord that will get us through. Good friends, great talks. Small things we enjoy. Lovely music, a good book. And then all of a sudden, our leaves grow back. Our heart is restored! May it be so for you and me dear ones.

The yard after work was done, fence repaired, shed taken down. And the beautiful green trees once again!

This photo was right after the storm.