A Godly Marriage

Marriage. What a topic. We could write for hours about it. What works, what doesn't, and what just plain annoys the heck out of us. Two imperfect people in a perfect union. A union created by God. And He doesn't make any junk, my friends.

Take a moment to consider what you saw in your mate when you first met. Take a good long look back. It may not be easy remembering those things, but if you dig a little for them, you'll find them. Pull out an old photo album and savor the memories, the really good ones. Doesn't it feel different?

But now he's lazy, she thinks. She's not attentive to me, he thinks. He never surprises me with anything. She doesn't give me any compliments. The list goes on and on, doesn't it?

What if we were the ones to make the first move? Give that compliment, surprise your husband or wife with a small treat, even a candy bar you know they like. Tell them thank you for working so hard at their job for the family, especially if you are married to a workaholic type.

What about communication? For all the things you say he or she doesn't do any longer, or for the things you wished they'd do, did you ever really ask them about it? We expect a partner who has been with us for years to read our every thought, every body innuendo. It isn't so. Did you ever sit down next to your spouse, putting the cell phone away, the television set off for just a few minutes and say the words, "honey, I'd like to talk." Powerful little words that may open up a whole new world for you.

My husband and I are Italian, so we speak a lot. Communication is a big part of this marriage. We are not the strong, silent types, neither of us. We air grievances quickly, tell each other what we like or don't like about a particular situation, but we never keep one another guessing. Even when the topic may turn to something difficult, or perhaps something that means a little more to one partner than the other, it's best to give all the reasons, present your case so to speak so that your partner truly understands where you're coming from.

Do you want him to attend church with you? Did you ever think of saying "I'd really love it if you'd come to church this Sunday with me." What we often say is, "You never want to go anywhere with me." This sets our spouse up to make excuses and retreat into their own little world, when we really want them in our world.

What about, "Would you mind if I picked the restaurant, movie, or store that we shop at this time?" And not, "You never let me decide about anything." Try it. It's so simple.

Now for the biggest news. Did you ever pray for your spouse, really pray for them? I'm talking about crying out from your very soul when nobody else is around? Perhaps they have an issue from their life, or you two have been arguing for so long you've forgotten how to be kind to one another. Take it to the Lord. Speak it out loud, ask Him for answers, but not until you've prayed for that man or woman. Ask God to bless them, take care of them, protect them, and ask Him to help you to have a heart of love toward them. Even if your marriage has cooled, God can ignite the spark of true love once again if you agree with Him.

Prayer is not empty words. It is God's promise to us that whatsoever we ask....It's God's covenant with us, a direct line to our heavenly Father. He cares about the details. He cares about your marriage. He loves your spouse with an unconditional love, one we can't even begin to understand. And He will make a way in the darkest places when you do not give up and call upon Him to be your guide and Light.

May you rekindle love with open communication and prayer.

On Marriage and Commitment

     Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

     Tears streamed down my face as I clutched a shredded Kleenex in one hand. My sobs echoed loudly in the stillness of the room while I poured out my heart to the pastor who sat before me. I’d come to him seeking guidance about my husband and some of his recent, hurtful behavior. He’d disappointed me and let me down, making promises he wasn’t able to keep.

     My wounds from a previous marriage were fresh and raw. I’d been through so much pain; I vowed no other man would ever hurt me again.

     The pastor sat quietly, listening, scribbling notes every so often on a pad before him. “As I see it,” he said, leaning forward in his chair, “bold prayer from your heart is the answer. Treat him as you want to be treated, with kindness and respect.”

     Are you kidding? I thought. How could I do this when I’ve been the one so grievously wounded? He doesn’t deserve it.

     I slipped behind the wheel of my car that day deep in thought while glorious sunshine streamed through the windows. The warmth enveloped me, opened my heart to the feeling of God’s love surrounding me. Perhaps my hardened heart wasn’t allowing me to see how much unforgiveness I held onto from my past. Though my husband had been wrong in how he behaved, I realized the only person you can truly change is yourself.

       A little later in the day, a cup of tea sat before me upon the kitchen table, untouched as I began speaking to God as one would talk with a loving parent or dear friend.

     Help me to know you better.  I want to completely surrender to your will. My husband has his own burdens. Please help me to see him in a different light.

     Something inside me broke then. When he returned from work that evening, I spoke more kindly toward him. I made an effort to ask about his day, and really listen from my heart. Little by little, it became easier to affirm his good traits. It became easier to hold my tongue when I wanted to lash out in anger. My husband melted as I considered his needs first. He softened toward me when I began to love him with my whole heart.

     It’s been three years since I spoke to the pastor and surrendered myself to becoming a godly wife. Daily prayer has become a strong bond in this marriage. Before we leave for work, my husband and I sit in the stillness of our living room, hands clasped together while we speak aloud to our Father for guidance. This has been the greatest change of all: The power of spoken words which has rooted our love and commitment to one another more deeply than I ever thought possible.

        

        Father, I pray our commitment to you and each other will grow stronger with every passing day. May I continue to be a source of inspiration and encouragement to my husband and may our home be a safe haven he can return to each night.

The Love of My Parents

Laughter, love, warmth, caring, companionship, friendship, happiness, tears, good times, bad times, sickness, health, understanding, peace. These are the words I choose to describe my parent's marriage. It's well over fifty years. Fifty. They've stayed together through difficulties and triumphs. Through heartbreak and heartfelt moments. They knew what it was like to have plenty, and knew what it was like to have barely anything. Yet they never faltered, not once.

In this world where it's so easy to throw things away, even relationships, it amazes me to see two people with the bond my parents have. Certainly it was no different when they were younger. They, too, had moments where I'm sure it didn't feel like they could take it any longer. But something kept them together.

I've seen my dad at Mother's side through difficult years growing up. With tenderness and understanding I saw him caring for her, never giving up hope in the darkest of moments. And saw that same love reciprocated as she stood by Dad during latter years and his own health issues. Times we weren't even sure he'd be there another day while, with faith, she remained steadfast.

It's with gratitude I watch them even today, a twinkle in Dad's eyes when Mom walks into the room. He'd do anything for her. Anything to make her smile, to give her a few moments of happiness. And Mom in her way, gives back to my father. With homey, delicious baked goods, and hot meals, she still has the knack in the kitchen, the way to a man's heart.

My parents are simple folks. Two people who enjoy sitting upon their front porch, their small water fountain trickling before them, hummingbirds darting to and fro at the feeder. A few pieces of bread thrown out to other feathered friends make for moments of enjoyment. An occasional hot roast beef sandwich shared from one of the local restaurants, some instant scratch tickets hoping for a win; watching a beloved movie, the kind you know every line. Worn photo albums, their covers dusty, pages falling apart. Classical music from scratchy vinyl records, one's they've listened to many, many times.  These are the things they share, the small things that bind them, giving them comfort in their later years.

I pray I've learned what it takes to be content in whatever the circumstances in a marriage. After all, I've had years of watching, years of gleaning all the knowledge I could from two people whose love has only grown stronger with every passing day.