You Don't Have Because You Don't Ask. So I Asked.

 

1979. That's how long I've been in the dental field. I've mostly worked two places the longest: one for twenty seven years, and the other, for almost twenty. I've had small supplemental jobs a day or so a week also in dentistry. 

When I graduated High School, I attended Bradford Business School for a nine month course. I didn't have anything else in mind at the time, so I thought secretarial work was the hot set up. I did great at typing, and I loved shorthand. The English and Math courses were excellent. I'd surely use these things in my future. Until I didn't. Well, at least not right away... 

All the secretarial jobs were located in downtown Pittsburgh, a drive or bus trip I wasn't willing to make. I'd already done the nine months of Pittsburgh and knew it wasn't for me. So I waited and watched.

My mother saw an ad for a local dentist office in my town. Dental Assistant: Will Train. Mom thought it would be interesting to check it out. So I did. Oddly, it was my own dentist that was hiring. But he had a new associate who needed the assistant. I dressed up, went on the interview and got the job! I had no idea what I would be doing, but never thought it would entail, bleeding gums, decaying teeth, and saliva! (Yuck!)

There was a moment I didn't think I could do it, but our front desk lady talked me through. When she showed me that I was helping people, not hurting them, it opened my eyes to what I was meant to do. And after a time, I ended up not only assisting, but doing front desk duties which would be something that I did for years. Finally, I was using the typing and grammar skills I'd learned in business school!

I met many wonderful people as patients through the years. I always enjoyed chatting with them, listening to their stories, calming their fears. I truly feel that it was God's desire for me to work well and be kind. I never faltered from that. 

Last year I began thinking about retirement. My husband has been retired for four years. Though I still enjoy what I do, I felt that I was slowing down. It takes longer for me to figure certain dental computer issues. It is especially difficult driving at night and Heaven forbid, driving in the night and the rain. Or the snow. I'm tired now. I want to slow down.

I started praying in earnest, "Lord, you know my heart's desire. Help me to know the right timing. Help me to know what is best for me to do. I don't want to leave my current office without help, so show me the way." But life kept happening, and I never brought it up to my boss or co-workers. Would they be receptive when I did? I had a goal of wanting to be done by June of 2026. But would we find someone by then in an ever changing field where people may only work out for a month if even that?

Last Monday as I was driving to work and enjoying my quiet prayer time, I felt empowered for bold prayer. "Lord, I am going to ask you for something. Would you please show me a sign. One that I can't miss. One that is right in front of me that I know is from you. You know we need another helper. You know I have the desire to retire. Please, give me that sign. Please open that door wide."

I got to work and began a super busy day. The first of the year brings a lot of dental insurance changes and so much to look up for our patients. But a little later in the morning, something odd happened. My boss mentioned a girl who'd just left her position at another office he worked at on Friday's. She texted him to mention "When Karen retires, please think of me."

I almost fainted! She was the very person I'd wanted so badly for our office. I didn't think she would leave the other place any time soon, but here it was: a gift. One that was wrapped in pretty paper for me. The sign. The bold prayer I'd said was being answered right before my eyes. 

I mentioned this to my boss. Though it was months earlier than I'd wanted to go, I knew we had to grab her before she went elsewhere. I looked up and said, "God, you truly have a sense of humor."

As of this writing, I am training our wonderful new girl. She is so good at what she does, that there isn't much I have to do. I may have only another week to work, but I am looking forward to my near future with hope and with joy. Hope that the Lord will open another door, perhaps a part-time job I can enjoy and meaningful volunteer work. Open doors to my husband and I taking more small trips. Spending quality time with my brother and son. Seeing dear friends. Yes, I am ready. I am grateful. Yes. I Asked.

I Gained So Much More

 

In the early 1980's, I married very young. He was charming, handsome, and funny. Everything a girl could hope for. He loved my family, and they loved him right back. Some things began to happen three years into the marriage that began to concern me. The day he told me he was leaving me, I felt as if I ceased to live. I couldn't eat or sleep well, and my self-esteem plummeted. I knew there had to be something wrong with me. Maybe if I had been prettier, skinnier, more affluent. 

My family was hurting right along with me. My little brother had adored him, and my parents couldn't get over the shock. Time passed, as it does, and I lost touch with his family.

Several years later, I found my ex in-laws once again. My father-in-law cried when we saw one another. We spoke for a while, and then I began to get together with them and my sister-in-law occasionally. It was as if time hadn't passed. These people were still family to me, and I found out that they felt the same way about me.

I was invited to dinners over their homes. I visited with my mother-in-law when she was in the hospital. When my father-in-law passed away, I grieved. I stayed with them through their sad time and if possible, grew even closer.

It's been several years now. My life has changed drastically from that twenty-one-year-old girl. I have a son, a new marriage and have lost my own parents more recently. But one thing that has remained is the lovely friendship I've retained with my dear first sister-in-law and mother-in-law. At 93, Mum is an amazing woman. Beautiful, soft-spoken, gracious, and generous. Any time spent with these two is precious to me and I come away from our visits, a better person.

I wouldn't have known them if I hadn't been married to the man who left me so long ago. Though I never see him, I don't miss what I never had. But what I did have was so much more. I was blessed with people who loved me unconditionally. People I was able to love in return and show my true self. I was blessed with relationships that I would never have had otherwise and kind words, prayers, meals, gifts, conversation and laughter.

God can turn any situation around. He can make a masterpiece from disaster. He can give love back to someone who felt as if they would never matter to anyone again. He showed me more beauty with these family members through my life, than I may have had if I'd never known them.

I gained the kindest friends from something that was meant for harm. I gained so much more from the callousness of another. Never think that God won't give you beauty for ashes. His trade off is so much better than the original pain that we feel. 

Prayer Partner

Lately I've been beating myself up. It has been about three years since I've been able to sit and write a novel. I used to churn out one a year back in the day when I began fiction writing. But something has made me stop and wait. Call it writer's block, fear, laziness, or being tired, I have kept telling myself that I'm a failure for not plunging deeply into a memoir that I've been wanting to write.

One wonderful thing that has happened, however, is the ability to write short, true, heartfelt tales. It's been easy to think about Mom and Dad stories and share them with others. I've been fortunate to have a few of them chosen by Guidepost magazine for publication.

I joined a Facebook group called Guidepost Magazine Stories. There is a nice bunch of people that write daily inspirational blurbs or share inspiring messages of hope in that group. I am one of them. I enjoy posting lovely pictures and using what I feel are God-inspired words of encouragement.

Today I had the honor of hearing from one of the members. Oddly enough, she reached out to me to become a prayer partner, or prayer sister with her. I hesitated briefly because I wondered what that entailed. Would I have to talk with her daily and try to encourage her? Would I have to give up precious time to another human being?

Then it hit me. Karen, you pray daily for God to give you the words to bless others. You ask Him to show you people that need hope and help. To say the right words, write the best words or pray for others. I decided to accept the role of prayer partner for this lady. I could tell it meant the world to her. She had found me on the Guidepost page. There are no coincidences. God has me where He wants me. I just have to keep answering the call. If a memoir is in my near future, He will bless it to fruition. If the short writings are to continue to hold others in prayer and give them hope, then I step into that gladly as well.

Prayer partner. . . It has a lovely sound to it. Do you need one today? Are you one? Will you take the call, and lift others up even when you are tired or not in the mood? Let's do it together. No telling how much we can change a life one prayer at a time.

Pick Yourself Up

I remember thinking there were things I would never get over; things I would never forgive myself for doing--for the mistakes I made, for hurting another person. Times I may have passed up a golden opportunity, or not done the right thing in a given situation.

I used to get lost in this trap--the trap of "I'm the worst person there is." Or, "I will never get another chance or a good break, or be able to change, grow, or learn from my mistakes."

Let me tell you something: That is a lie! A total untruth! It is a trick from the enemy to keep us down, keep us riddled with anxiety and guilt. The real truth is there is not ONE of us who is perfect; not one of us who don't make daily mistakes whether on the job, perhaps in raising our kids, in something we said to another person during the day that just flew out of our mouth that we wish we could take back.

Perhaps we have made poor financial decisions. I think there are many of us who got ourselves into a pit of bad money mistakes. Is it the end? Doom and gloom? Nope, and I'm here to tell you. Many years ago, financial burden put me and some others into bankruptcy. I felt like an idiot, not worthy, very down on myself. But one day at a time, I worked my way out of it. I kept at a good job. I didn't spend anything unnecessarily for a very long time. Oh, I would treat myself to an occasional goodie, but there were things I had to miss for a few years knowing I wanted to be on the other side of this issue.

I began tithing. I read about giving ten percent of my wages to my church and I did this in earnest. Even at my lowest, things began to work out. When I tithed, God took care of ALL of my needs. Not just a few, but every one of them. Maybe I wasn't rich, but I was able to pay my bills, and have a little left over to enjoy some of the small things in life.

How much easier it is to say poor me. But you are not poor, you are rich in the love of God, rich in the blessings surrounding you. What do you have? Maybe you have your health which is truly everything. Perhaps you have children who adore you. Or you have friends that you can share a healthy laugh with every once in a while. You have a home, small luxuries that to others would make you seem wealthy. You have breath in your lungs, the ability to walk, work, and play.

Maybe you haven't met the love of your life yet. Or maybe you feel time has treated you unfairly and others get all the breaks. I learned a lesson with this as well. Instead of jealousy, I began to choose to be a person of compliments and encouragement. I knew that some of the very things I was envious of, could be mine too if I worked hard enough at it. Maybe with baby steps, or in very small ways, but as long as I was doing something toward my goals, perhaps writing, then I could reach small successes too.

If I wasn't willing to put out the work, how could I expect any glory? If I wanted what others had but wasn't willing to put the time into the very things I desired?  I never knew what sacrifices those people might have had to overcome to be who they are.

Even if we make one small change when we wake up tomorrow. We decide this will be the day we ____________.  This is the day we take a step toward a good goal and a new outcome. This is a day where anything, even a miracle however small or large is possible. Because it is. Believe in yourself, but believe in a God Who can direct you to the life you've always dreamed of.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the person reading this. I'm hoping you direct them to the words they need to hear; Words that are not mine, but Yours. Give them courage to take a step in the direction they are meant to go. Give them Your favor, peace, unconditional love, and blessing. In Jesus name.

Letter to Myself

Dear Karen (Age 8),
     I wanted to write to you and let you know that it will be okay. I know some things seem a little blurry to you right now and even a bit scary. Your mom might not be as calm as you'd like, as loving, or even might seem a bit different from other mommies. It's okay.
     Did you know she had a very bad childhood? Did you know that her daddy was a mean guy and he hurt her mama sometimes? Did you know that her mama yelled at her and her siblings because she was so overwhelmed she didn't know what to do?
     Did you know how much your mom loved her sister? And when her sister passed away at Easter time, it just about broke your mother's heart? Whatever weak thread was holding her fragile mind together snapped. And she had lots of problems after that.
     Did you know that your mom is going to be fine though? She will return to you whole and healed in a short time. You will be stronger for it, Karen age 8. You will develop a heart of compassion toward the people in this world who have all sorts of issues because you understand what it's like to be with someone whose mind has been touched by pain.

Dear Karen (Age 13),
     I know this isn't how you pictured your new life moving to a nice, new home and beginning adolescence. You didn't do anything to "deserve" the curvature of the spine. It wasn't your fault or the fault of anyone. Bad things happen sometimes. Yes, it is a very frightening time. You are going through all sorts of weird things in the hospital to make you better.
     Did you know that your mom will be extremely strong while you are going through this? Did you know she will show a bravery you didn't think her capable of? Did you know that your daddy will make you laugh and keep things light because that is how he handles stressful situations?
     Did you know that this hospital time will give you a heart of love toward other people that have health problems and those who are scared and sad? Did you know that you will use this time to be braver and stronger in the future and that you will someday work with people in an office who always tell you just how much you've been there for them?

Dear Karen (Age 17),
     You're a teenager now. I know that sometimes your mom doesn't act like you can be independent, but give it time. Did you know how much she worries for you since you had the major back surgery? She is frightened that something could go wrong, or that you will hurt yourself? Remember, that is her issue, not yours. You will grow to be very independent--more than you realize. You won't have to live with the fears and doubts that others have put on you. Just keep your eyes focused on the Lord and remember what He says about you.

Dear Karen (Age 30)
     You've had some issues and made some bad choices in life. Even though some people bring these mistakes up, they do not have to define who you will still become.
     Your first marriage in your early twenties brought a good family into your life even though your husband wasn't the man he said he was. It is again, not your fault. You are still worthy even though he made you feel as if you were not. You are beautiful, loved, and whole. Don't let what he did affect who you are in the future. Love your sons, be a good mother. Love your parents, be a good daughter. And realize that the hurt you have gone through will once again mold you through compassion and you will love others with your own words one day. Yes, your dream of writing will come true. Believe.

Dear Karen (Age 55),
     It's been a while since I've written to you. You have all the tools you need to be a loving daughter as you watch your parents aging and their health, failing. You are stronger than you know--not that weak little eight-year-old girl who was scared of her own shadow. You are a child of God, and a child of the two most wonderful parents! Everything you have been through in life has brought you to this moment; a moment you've dreaded as you say goodbye to your mother and father.
     Did you know that you will be okay? I promise. You will be a comfort to others who are grieving. You will know how to talk to God and pray for those who are hurting as much as you have hurt during this time.
     Did you know that there will be moments, wonderful moments where you will feel not only Mom and Dad near you when they are departed, but the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly in your heart that it feels like it could burst from love?

P.S. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You are strong and courageous. You are a child of the most High God. You need not have fear and doubt and let discouragement put you down. You will rise above all the things that others told you that you could never do. You will do them and excel. You are no longer a little fearful child. Every difficult thing that you've gone through in life has brought you to this moment. It's your moment to shine.

Love,
(Your 58 year-old self)

    

Eulogy For Mom

I have never shared this with anyone except those who were at the grave site on my mother's funeral day. But today I would like for everyone to know just how much she meant to me, my family, and many many others.

She was once a little girl. A daughter, a child. She knew laughter and fun. She had hopes and dreams to play piano, sing…soar. She also knew hard times, worry and fears. She was born in an old fashioned era. She’s my mother Eileen and I’d like to tell you a little about her.

She married young, at nineteen, to my father Richard, a good man, a loving man, someone who stood by her during a difficult period of health issues. She came out on the other side stronger and better for it, with a heart so filled with compassion for others, that many lives would be touched by her.

A pregnancy would come in later years after Mom lost two other babies. A doctor warned her to terminate the baby due to health concerns. But this strong woman, my mother would say words that have stuck with me all my life: “I’ll have this baby or die trying.” And nine months later, my brother was born; a true blessing in our lives.

Mom ran several antique businesses through the years, enjoying the challenges they brought. But one of her biggest accomplishments to many of us was the small mom and pop grocery store she and my dad owned in our little town of Ambridge. The Eighth Street Dairy was a quick stop for kids after their long school days.  A place to play video games in the early 80’s and purchase bags full of penny candy. Nothing was more important to her, however, than her daily talks with the people and kids that walked through her door.

Some folks came daily for a newspaper and cup of coffee. They’d share stories with Mom of their lives and problems. Like a therapist, Mom would listen and occasionally give advice. And as for the children who came through the door after school hours, Mom would have a listening ear and show by example, kindness and patience to all; qualities they may not have seen in their own homes.

Years later, many of the young people, now grown would approach Mom if they’d see her somewhere. They told her just how much she meant to them in those early years, the time she spent talking with them.  A few have told how their lives changed from knowing her.

As for me, I think back to a lady who stood by me in one of the darkest times of my life; my spinal surgery for scoliosis as a teen. I don’t know how Mom was able to keep strong watching me go through such a difficult time in Children’s Hospital. How she kept my spirits up and told me it would pass.

My brother and I have gotten our hearts from our mother; our sense of humor. We’ve gotten the love of movies, books and imagination from her; a spirit of creativity. We’ve gotten a love of animals and underdogs of the world. We learned about faith and God from Mom.

I think our mother didn’t realize just how many lives she impacted. But the world became a better place because of her.

The other day, with legs that felt like iron weights and hands that shook so bad I had to hold them against myself, I walked into the emergency room not knowing what to expect. Once again Mom had taken a turn for the worst and I heard words from the doctor that I wasn’t quite prepared for. We recommend hospice care for your mother. She’s so frail now and perhaps it would be best for her to be just kept comfortable.

Every child of an aging parent asks themselves if they are doing the right thing. Are our decisions what our parents would want? Some of us are fortunate that our families have spoken freely about such things. Therefore when the time comes, we know immediately what must be done. 

Others of us have spoken in deeper terms though. We’ve had the distinct honor to talk of things on a more spiritual level. We know our loved ones are believers and even look forward to their next journey.

There is so much more than our eyes can see, so much more than we hear or feel. I learned that as Mom slipped further from us.

When my father was in the hospital last year, there were several odd, yet comforting things we heard from him. And a few days ago, I noticed that very thing with my mother. She appeared to be talking to people that we couldn’t see. She reached up once as if grasping someone by the hand and petted animals that weren’t there.

Our mother has gone to a better place. We are confident of this, for she visited there once before. She had felt a love surrounding her like no other during a cardiac arrest in her earlier years. 

Though our hearts are heavy, we now picture our mother free from her suffering, dancing with Dad, feeling God’s warmth and love, and reuniting with so many loved ones who have been gone for such a long time.

God, help us to see with the eyes of faith, not our limited vision. Help us to know just how wide and deep your love really is. Help us to be able to let go and give our all to you.

To Share an Amazing Story

I want to shout to the rooftops to anyone who will listen! I want you to share this story, read it over and over again. It is my hope that anyone who needs it, will hear it. It is my prayer that you, too, will find this kind of amazing, powerful prayer as a testimony in your own life.

This is a true, recent story about my dear friend, Paula who had gone through what I refer to as Job-sized trials:

          I have a powerful story to share; one that started about thirteen years ago when I moved away from my family and friends to a strange, new place.

           I’d been crying again. It hadn’t been easy leaving behind my elderly parents, grown-up son, brother, and friends. I’d put in a three months notice at the job I’d come to love for twenty-seven years. As dental assistant and office manager in a small town dental office, I knew my patients well—knew their stories, heartbreaks, and triumphs. I had been so fond of the dentist that we felt more like family.

          I sat at the kitchen counter in my new house—the house that belonged to my husband of only a month. He was working, and I scoured the want ads for a job in the dental field with my crumpled tissue in hand. I’d gotten off the phone with my parents, telling them again how much I missed them, but heck, I was only an hour away. Though I knew the visits would be often, it didn’t ease my sadness.

         There weren’t too many jobs in the surrounding area, so I decided to call some of the local offices to see if they might be hiring. The first office I called and explained my situation to a really sweet lady, I felt comforted and at ease immediately. This fast-paced town might not be anything like where I’d grown up, but this woman was genuine and kind. Perhaps there were good people and hopefully a few new friendships to be made at some point.

         The lady, who’d answered the phone at the office I called, said that they might be looking for someone part-time. We chatted for quite a bit, and I found that I really liked this person with the soft voice and calm manner. Though I found a good job shortly after, I tucked the other office into the back of my mind, hoping that perhaps someday I would be able to work with someone who I’d bonded with instantly.

         One day at my new dental job, I had to place a call to a specialist’s office. Imagine my surprise when I heard a familiar voice. The soft-spoken woman I’d talked with answered the phone, and I hadn’t realized it was the office where I’d thought about working.

         It seemed humorous at the time, but we both realized that we had spoken before, and it became a joy to place calls to this other office from time to time to chat with the lady whose name was Paula.

        I grew to like her even more, and when several years went by and our office began to undergo some staff changes, this time Paula was looking for other employment. I immediately put in a good word to our dentist, and we hired her almost instantly.

         I’ve had several amazing friendships in my life. Some of them have been since I was a little girl. Others, I met a little later in my journey. And it would be Paula who ended up becoming almost like a sister to me in my later years. We were so much alike with our talks about faith, family, values, and life. We encouraged one another and laughed about silly things. Work became a pleasure, even on difficult days.

         When several years went by and my parent’s health was failing, Paula became my rock and strength. She listened as I vented, cried, or worried. Because she’d gone through several losses in her life, she had an understanding of the kind of faith that sustains during the darkest times. And when I lost my parents within two years of one another, it was this type of faith that carried me through in a major way.

         About a month ago, Paula began feeling poorly. Her gait became unsteady; she had difficulty catching her breath. She became so concerned one day that she took herself to the emergency room.

Through many tests, the doctors began giving my friend some unsettling news. They discovered a heart valve issue, and scarier still, arteries in her brain that were extremely narrow.

         I visited her one day in the hospital. She had to lie in a darkened room because her head hurt so badly. The doctors had done many tests and she felt worse. But though I sat near her with worry creasing my forehead, Paula piped up, “I will trust God when times are good, and I will trust Him when times are bad.”

         During a series of further testing, when all looked gloomy and it was decided that she might need surgery to place stents, Paula never gave up hope, nor ever stopped praying and believing. She enlisted the prayers of many others, and spoke positively when negativity surrounded her.

         Paula was transferred to another hospital where the findings were quite different. No surgery needed and no serious issues; benign heart valve condition, and blood flow just fine in her arteries.

It was a time of great joy for those of us who loved her. I praised God that miracles occurred. It took a little time, but she began to feel better. None of us questioned the fact that we’d witnessed God’s hand in a mighty way.

         Until Paula had one more test done. She received a call back from a routine mammogram. Any woman who has gone through this knows the sinking feeling, but also the hope that it may be nothing. But when Paula was told that there were findings and a biopsy was next, my heart sank.

God, I prayed. You brought her through so much recently. Why does she have to go through this now?

         Earlier in her life, she’d lost several family members within a short period of time. One of her sisters had breast cancer. Never once through this next chapter unfolding did I see Paula’s demeanor change. Though she said fear challenged her at first, faith stepped in almost immediately. She began speaking out loud that she was healed. She spoke only of her faith in God and believed wholeheartedly that everything would be fine.

          Once again, a few of us who knew about this test began a vigil of prayer. My husband and I prayed out loud every morning for her. I send healing thoughts and pictured her body whole and well. I agreed in prayer with my friend.

         I couldn’t help though that I found myself angry with God a few times. She has twelve-year-old twin boys, Lord. They need her. She has so much to do in this world. Grant her a healing, Lord.

I prayed continually, anytime I thought about her which was quite often as my faith began to increase. 

         And Paula’s faith abounded. I never heard anything but how much she loved God, how she trusted completely in Him, and that she had no fear of bad news.

         Paula said that during the time of waiting for the biopsy, and then waiting for the results, many instances of God’s blessing surrounded her. Several Bible passages spoke directly to her, confirming what she already knew. Never in my life have I met someone with such a beautiful, sincere faith.

Yesterday at work, Paula mentioned that the doctor’s office might call with her results. I must confess that I was a wreck as I tried keeping conversation light, and still kept praying.

Around one o’clock, her cell phone rang, and she picked it up and walked away with it. 

         This is it, I thought. A life changing moment.

         There is nothing more difficult than waiting for news from someone you care about. The seconds tick by into what feels like hours. And when you see that person, you look directly into their face, knowing that the answer will be there.

         Paula walked back into the room with the biggest smile plastered on her face. “I got good news,” she said. “It’s benign.”

         Seven words that felt lighter than air. I immediately hugged her, as we both began crying, laughing, and praising God together. I felt that a weight had been lifted, and I wanted to tell everyone I knew about this miracle woman!

         Has life always been pretty and fair to my friend? No, it certainly hasn’t. There have been times that tested her soul, but even in the darkest times, God’s beacon of light and hope have always been there to carry her through the darkness.

         This writing is to give testimony to the One who matters: Our Heavenly Father. All glory and honor to Him.

         What follows is Paula's direct testimony edited for space:

I know you have all been waiting for an UPDATE so here it is....

So after 8 days in the hospital and going through so many tests, needles, medications, and scares, the doctors there could not come up with a diagnosis that explained all of my symptoms. They therefore were unable to provide a course of treatment that could really help. As a natural girl I hated being in the hospital and taking pharmaceutical drugs of any kind. I also shuttered at the thought of stents being placed in my brain and ultimately the doctors agreed that I did not need them at this time.

 It is one month tomorrow that I was admitted to the hospital and I just have to share with you all that I am feeling great! I still have some issues but they are improving every day.

A couple weeks before I went into the hospital, I had had a mammogram that revealed two small areas of concern. I had to go back for an additional mammogram and ultrasound. At this second visit, I was told that what they were seeing was “suspicious of cancer” and I needed to have biopsies. When I first left there, I admit I had a mini meltdown as fear tried to take over. I have lost three siblings and one of them was to breast cancer. This was getting to be too much for me with all that I had just been through. My meltdown only lasted a few minutes and I regained my composure and my usual positive outlook. the next thing I did was claim healing in the name of Jesus. Daily I spoke out loud the scriptures regarding healing. 

Over the next week before my appointment for the biopsies, God gave me peace and I knew that I did not have cancer. I had told only three very close people about what the report from the ultrasound was and I told all three of them. “Don’t worry. I’m just fine. It’s not cancer. I know it”. How did I know? You ask. Well I’ll tell you. A few days after the ultrasound, I went to church and gathered three prayer warriors and told them what was going on and ask for them to pray over me. As the three of them laid hands on me and prayed, I felt the Holy Spirit and knew our prayers were being heard. Inside the sanctuary, the praise and worship team sang through our prayers “Look what the Lord has done
Look what the Lord has done
He healed my body
He touched my mind
He saved me it was just in time
I'm gonna praise His name
Each day He's just the same
Come on and praise Him
Look what the Lord has done”. I felt at that exact moment this was significant. 

The next day I met someone for the first time. He shared with me some testimony of how God saved his life. He mentioned that his favorite book is “Jesus Calling”. I knew I had a copy of this book but hadn’t seen it in a couple of years. I went home and dug it out. I opened it up to a page that I had previously book marked. My eyes grew wide when I read...
“He does not fear bad news, he is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”
psalm 112:7

Wow. I knew this was no coincidence. That scripture was just for me at just the right time. The daily devotional from my church the evening before my biopsy was more confirmation. It was about the lepers receiving healing and then regarding healing today. The gist was that after one receives healing they should then go and have it confirmed by a doctor. This way they can be a living testimony to what God has done. 

So the morning of my biopsy appointment I opened up “Jesus Calling” once again and turned to that day’s entry. Once again it was a message specifically for me on what could have been a very emotional morning.
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you. Peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be trouble and do not be afraid. “

My sister picked me up and drove me to my appointment. I chatted light heartedly on the ride there telling her that I was fine. 

I sat in my gown in the little room waiting to be taken across the hall for the procedure. I recited out loud the scriptures that I believed were presented to me to assure me and to give me peace. I worried more about the procedure itself than I did about the results. In only a few minutes they were ready for me. As they prepped me for the procedure I said to the doctor “I hope you don’t mind if I hum.” He smiled and said “go right ahead.” 

The procedure took awhile but I did hum through most of it. “Look what the Lord has done. He healed my body. He touched my mind...”

When the samples had been collected, and instructions given, I walked out of that place smiling and believing with my whole heart that there was no cancer in my body. I believed that I have work to do here and I have testimony to give.
It only took two days to get the call. I was with my dear friend Karen when my mobile phone rang and I knew it was the call I was waiting for. I excused myself and took the call in private. On the other end I heard the nurse tell me
“It’s benign. You don’t have cancer.”

After thanking her and telling her I already knew it, I laughed and cried at the same time. I thanked God for His goodness and for using strangers and scriptures to let me know even before the procedure was done that I was fine. I then returned to where Karen waited to hear too. I didn’t have to say a thing because the ear to ear grin on my face said it all. But I said it anyway “ I don’t have cancer!” She hugged me and wept because she loves me like a sister. She had been praying without ceasing since this all began. 

As I am writing this I am both laughing and crying once more. I am nobody special. I am a sinner. I fall short a lot. But I do know my God rescued me. I still get to be a momma, a friend, a wife, a sister. I do not have cancer! I am well!! I am a living testimony to the goodness of my Heavenly Father and I can’t wait to tell the world what He has done for me!!

If you are not a believer, and this story has touched you in some way, I pray that you will ask Jesus into your heart from this moment on. He is real, and He is so in love with you.
 

Divine Appointment

Years ago when I shopped at a Giant Eagle store near my hometown, there was a wonderful African American man who used to bag groceries. He was a retired pastor, and it was a delight to be in his line. His careworn face filled with a roadmap of wrinkles held the clearest, soulful brown eyes I'd ever seen. A baseball cap was perched on his head with silver hair peeking underneath. He always had a big bright smile for the customers and would have something special to share.

"God's a blesser," he would tell me as I reached for my bags. "I praise Him every day." Or, "God bless you, daughter. Have a peace-filled day."

I miss seeing him when I return to my old stomping grounds, but I will never forget this man.

Today I was feeling a little melancholy. Thanksgiving is approaching, and it will be the second one without my parents. My husband has been working so much overtime it is affecting his personality and his negativity is overwhelming. Work has been stressful, television news has been awful. I began to let the blues overtake me.

Wow, it seems nobody cares anymore. People are so indifferent. There's never a good or kind word from anyone. I haven't met a person lately who isn't filled with anger. Everyone is at odds about something.

I wrote a few words this morning on Facebook:

What if? What if today we step out of our comfort zone for another person? What if we don't judge someone who is different? What if we give ourselves and others permission to make a mistake and forgive immediately? What if we treat others with respect and kindness? What if it lasts more than just for today?

After church I stopped in a dollar store. My stomach was rumbling with hunger, so I wanted the trip to be a quick one. I was looking at a few small teddy bears when I heard a voice behind me. "Aw, you like the furry little bears, do ya?"

I turned and looked into the face of someone so similar to the man I'd known all those years ago at Giant Eagle. His smile was radiant, a baseball cap perched on his head over silver hair peeking from underneath. I couldn't see his eyes, as he wore light brown sunglasses. We began a conversation.

It seems this man was a pastor. He, too, is retired and works on cars part-time. The kindness he showed, and the way he spoke, gave me fresh hope. He talked as if we were old friends. He gave me ideas of places to go and the beauty in nature waiting to be seen. He said that if we look, God is in the splendor all around us. I felt drawn to him, and asked his name. He told me it was Richard. And that in itself was special. It's my father's name. He handed me a little purple pin, an Alzheimer's remembrance pin. And I found that odd as well since Mom passed away from Alzheimer's complications only last year.

We chatted at least a half hour, and I didn't regret one moment. Everything I had felt earlier vanished in the presence of this good old soul. Even my hunger. For I now hungered for his words; words that gave me a fresh outlook and something to believe.

His parting words to me were, "God sets up appointments, doesn't He? We just have to look for them."

I'm glad this appointment was right on time.