A Big Decision

 Two years ago our small dental office moved to a larger location. Along with the move, we also acquired a whole new patient load and several new staff members. The move itself was stressful and the labor needed to get us to the new facility was intense. I can't say I was thrilled at the time, but the new office was bigger, brighter, and modern. I would certainly give it my best.

Flash forward to the present. Work was becoming almost unbearable. Staff changes, new associates, dental insurance nightmares, difficult patients. Sometimes lack of communication lead to unbelievable stressors. Would we ever find the fun, simplicity, and camaraderie that we once shared?

Some of the ladies in my practice have become good friends. We've shared laughter, tears, life stories. And for their own reasons, they decided they needed to leave. Though my heart broke, I knew that I cared for them enough that their happiness was most important. Though my own work load would triple, and I truly wanted to walk out that door with them, I decided to pray about it. "Lord, you know I can't take the stress. This has become too much for me at my age. I need peace desperately. I need your guidance."

No lightning bolt crackled nearby. Only one word came to me in that still, small way: WAIT. I pondered its meaning, I questioned God daily about it. I sought other employment but felt no joy. Then I said, "Lord, if you want me to stay, I will do it. But I need you."

Several weeks ago I had a small breakdown of sorts. Though I'd never done this before, I called off the following day from my job and left them completely unattended at the front desk. I could not think one more thought, could not step into that building without crying or feeling my chest tightening.

My employer spoke kindly to me one evening. It was after I told him I needed to resign. He looked at me and said, "I can't do this without you. You are the heart and soul of this place. Give me a chance. I want to make this work for you."

Again, no bolt of lightning nor crack of thunder. No Charlton Heston voice out of the blue giving me cosmic advice. Just that small voice: wait.

I made the decision right then that I would wait it out. I would give the place that had been home to me for seventeen years another chance. I adored many of the patients especially the elderly ones who have come to know me so well. The ones who specifically ask for me and trust me with their concerns. I would give my employer what he needed. He'd become more like family over the years, another brother to me, even. But also, I could not abandon them. I would not be the reason that our practice could potentially fail. My mother raised a girl who had a conscience.

Has it been easy waiting for new staff, working alone, working extra hours, taking on even more responsibilities? Not at all. But God. That's right. When I feel anger, anxiety, or a pit in my stomach, I say quietly in my spirit: "Jesus, I need you right now." That is what had been lacking up until then. The simple childlike faith that had gotten me through other trials in my life. A simple sentence, and sometimes only His name whispered: Jesus. 

Though I don't know what the near future holds, I will do my very best. I will not complain to friends and family when the day doesn't go as planned. I will go to the throne... not the phone. For it says in the Bible: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16

But the promise I made to my son, husband, and brother, still stands. If I can't take another second, if stress piles and situations don't change, I will have to do what's best. I would have to make the decision to leave. Right now, I don't see that. Right now, I am living one day, one hour at a time. 

Oh, did I get some concessions out of this? You bet I did. I am nobody's doormat, nobody's fool. Just a kind girl who believes in being a help to others.