Nonsense Language

Me, my brother and son have come up with a list of my father's imaginative language. Those of you who knew him best will understand.

We were called Toy, Toots, little Tenya. We were called Boy, Mattie, and Raymond. Others were called Fritzie, Nemon, Hage, Johnny Boy, and Rollo. There was Magruter, Ollie, Donelda, Cherley, Merdet and Peppay.

When you drank too much pop and left cans around you were a "Socack." When something came crashing down during rough play with your friends, you heard "Save the pieces!" When you wanted someone to leave because you were tired of them, you heard "Bid it!"

"Flutes" were little kids and not an instrument to be played. "The Serps" were my nieces as they ran around the house having fun. When you couldn't hear something you were called "Orville!" And when sneezes came in rapid succession, sounds like "Warf," and "Whoosk" were heard instead of Achoo!

If you spent too much money on a gift for my dad, he would call you "Mike Money" or "Andy Mellon." Of course this was always said with love because Dad enjoyed gifts so much.

Sometimes my father would ask me, "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" with his best Billy Burke impression from Wizard of Oz. Other times he would make fun of those of us who had a few computer skills and ask if we went on the "corn.cob" site (pronounced corn-dot-cob). Really....

When someone had big eyes, or was staring, we heard "Beadie Lajolla" or "Heady la Eyeball." It's a wonder we children grew up sane!

If you washed too much, you were a "Cleanso Smith." If you preferred to keep something a secret you were "Mystero." Even pets were not immune from fresh new names given to them. Penny, the Pomeranian was "Bluto,"  Mya the dog became "Myers." Lynxy the cat was "Torberious." And cats did not have whiskers, but they did have "weeyers." And if Dad wanted a cat or dog to leave him alone, he'd shout: "Boorelea!"

Restaurants that truckers frequented were called "Greasette Spoonette" and not Greasy Spoons. That was far too ordinary for our father. And when Dad saw me in shorts in the summer, he called them "wearing my diaper." He called winter coats "buffalo skins." There was no end to the wonderful world of madness.

I remember when my brother Rick was little and Dad wanted him to behave. He would always threaten that he was going to give his toys away to "Francie Blaho." Now Francie was not a real person, but Rick didn't know that, and he would "Straighten up and Fly Right" as Dad would say...

When any child annoyed dad, he said he was going to turn into "Thrasheto, the Thrashing Monster!" My goodness! Everyone behaved then. This seemed to be worse than Godzilla or Mothra or any of the old monster movies.

 My son has often said that the father in A Christmas Story played by actor Darren McGavin, reminded him so much of "Lamp," his grandfather, my dad. For there were a few nonsense words that Ralphie always referred to as his father said them. No wonder we laughed so much.

There were many other wonderful, amazing nonsense phrases. Some we never found the origins, and just hold dear to our hearts: Cutasecalea, Feenstra Mageech, Baby Mosie, Muscala Majona, Boosskach, Guya Kibbee, Zoomba, Broofisk,Henna, Sasha good little dog. All words from the vocabulary of one of the sweetest, funniest men I've ever known or ever hope to know.

I miss Dad's zany words and the silly faces he made. I miss him mimicking my son, driving him crazy until Matt would shout, "Lamp!" (Which was his own made up nickname for my dad.)

My father lived simply in a quiet place within himself. He could be known as shy in many ways, and preferred family around him to friends and tons of company. He prayed quietly with a small prayer book he was given by someone years ago and never made show of his beliefs, but you knew he had a heart for God.

Dad  was one-of-a-kind and though he's gone from this earth, which hurts my heart to admit, there are his soft, quiet ways, crazy language, and strength from the good man that he was which we all hope to carry on.